Several events over the last week have led me to the thought of “Letting go.” A friend of mine was blind-sided with the death of her husband, who is younger than me. As I put myself in her place, I realized how fortunate I am to have the companionship of a husband, even if it’s just sitting side by side watching tv. Think about it: How often during the day do you rely upon interaction with your spouse? Just knowing someone is there is priceless. It must be really difficult to let go of that season in your life.
On a note (not quite so somber as the last)…my grandchildren. Before they moved out of state, lived roughly a mile from our home. In 5 minutes, I could be there. In many ways, they depended on that. I drove them to school. They came by the house after school and I drove them home; sometimes stopping a McDonald’s if they hated school lunch that day. They were a big part of my time and life. And then they moved. 3 l/2 hours away. It left a hole that I still struggle to stop tripping over; and that hole was really big last week when they started school…a new school. I wanted so badly to be there and do whatever Grandmas do to make things better, or, at least to think you’ve made things better. It’s painful. I worried. I prayed. I fasted. I worried, and then I worried again. Then they got sick, and some had to miss school. I realized that I had to ‘let go’, just like I did before when they left.
I remember those days. I’d sit in the car and play the Mormon Tabernacle Choir verse of ‘How Firm a Foundation’…feeling the words: “Fear not, I am with thee, Oh, be not dismayed, for I am thy God and will still give thee aid. I’ll strengthen thee, help thee and cause thee to stand….” I’d play it loud and could almost imagine heavenly help descending upon me, not just from God, but from dear ones now departed who also cared deeply.
I have often confused control with security. Let go. Let go.
The frosty autumn nights
Bid the tree (glorious and alive)
Let go their precious golden leaves
That in days past, bid them survive.
In spring, the fledgling bird will grow
Now the mother tries her best
To prod it from the nest.
Let go.
We hold our babies close,
And treasure every show.
They now seek new horizons,
And we painfully,
Let go.
Our beloved ones, we cherish
And the winds of age do blow
Now they pass thru death’s door,
As our hearts are broken,
And we let go.
But hearts are healed
When we come to know,
A loving Father,
Will never
Let go.
This short video below helps me to let go. It helps me to trade fear for faith, and helps me remember that, even though I will be required to let go, I can be confident that God will never let go of me.
What beautiful sentiment! And what a struggle all parent (and grandparents) must face. When to coach, when to comfort, when to hold on and when to let go. There is no handbook, is there? And as I see my own son grow into his own person, sometimes I long for those simple days of babyhood where all I had to know was to feed him, change his diaper, cuddle him – and all his needs were met. The older he grows the less I am able to fill all these roles. To quote Kurt Vonnegut “So it goes”.
My heart is full of love and the foundation that my wonderful parents built for me. What thoughtful and lovely people you are! My heart overflows with gratitude and love for the privilege that has been mine. I can only imagine how difficult it must be to see your children grow. The reward at the end of motherhood is your children leaving you. And while it IS a reward it is bittersweet to say the least.
Thank you for pouring your heart out on paper. Putting pen to paper (or whatever we call it these days) is something that provides solace to myself as well. I am honored to have the parents I do. I am grateful for the support, love and acceptance you have gifted me. You captured all that truly matters in your beautiful words–the people we love. The acts of love. The heartbreak that love sometimes leaves behind but in no way makes it less worthwhile.
I love you both, an extraordinary amount. The gratitude I feel leaves me speechless. What amazing and wonderful people you are. Thank you for being brave enough to share your soul–I feel like the most important thing we can do as humans is to be genuine and real and you both exude that in so many ways. My heart overfills. xoxoxoxo